Mandolin Rain... Washing away the Yeast in my Body

There is absolutely no rhyme or reason that I have named this post Mandolin Rain other than that for the last few weeks I have been hearing this song at random times in random places, while at other times, I will just crave hearing it and start humming it to myself. No reason, just makes me happy - sometimes it really is the little things that get you through. 

Today is a day that I need Mandolin Rain to wash me away again...

It started at 6 am when the alarm went off too early, which led me to snooze a half hour longer, which meant that I would be doing the ponytail look, which meant I would have those awesome curls of half grown hair curling around my face all day.  (I get those curly baby hairs so bad that the word baby shouldn't be used, it's too cute to describe the way they look - my husband has named them "Shirley" like Shirley Curly..cute, I know). Anyways, back to the day...

This is the 2nd day of my Candida Yeast Cleanse, which my wonderful husband has committed to doing alongside me. It's not easy - in fact, right now, I feel like puking...kind of like I already did this morning. So, poor choice to only have a protein shake (allowed on my cleanse - yes! Serves as a milkshake!) before going to have a balloon inserted up my cervix into my uterus followed by some weird die injected into my fallopian tubes. Poor choice to NOT follow the nurses recommendations of taking 800 mg Ibuprofen. Poor choice to even do this HSG...because I knew, I just knew - it's not my plumbing. 

But I did it anyways. I got in my gown, waited on the radiologist table, watched them suit up in astronaut looking suits and then surrendered all and posted my legs into the almighty stir-ups. Who doesn't love stir ups on a humid June morning? I got the normal, "you will feel my hand, now the speculum..." that you do during your annual date with your gyny...only this time, it wasn't "slight crampy feeling" followed by the ooey goey sensation of leftover ky. This time, the speculum turned into a balloon being crammed up the cervix towards my poor little uterus (which really is small - never knew!) and then twisty feelings like men marching in the forest trying to find their way back home. And then the dye. I think the dye is where it went all wrong. I instantly had to poop, and no, not the menstrual type of cramp that you mistake for a poop pain, poop, and large amounts of it, coming out like a turtle head. My temp shot up about 10 degrees and vomit started going up my throat. I barely remember Dr. M coming around the table to explain what just happened. 

I will say, it's cool to watch dye spread through your tubes, especially when you see that the channel of love is flowing free and open for business. Dr. M said, "Well, kiddo, you have a textbook tubes and uterus.." which was good to hear while I'm laying in my blue robe that opens in the front while staring at a screen that finally offered a positive outcome. But like I said, no surprise...I know it's my hormones. Those damn hormones...

So, hopefully this cleanse will help. Who knows? But in the words of Dr. M, "Can't Hurt, Might Help", I am trying. I figure the worst thing that happens is that I clear out some of that gunk, sugar and crap that I love to shove in those intestines, and the best thing that could happen would be that my body says, Ok! Now we can give you some ovaries that know how to get it done! 

So, 14 more days of this...14 days of high protein, nuts, beans and veggies and terrible empty, unsatisfied feelings of yuckiness. Over 16 pills a day, drops of silver in my mouth and shots of disgusting fiber...

Can I/We do it??? Stay tuned...meals are going to have to get real creative at this point, or there may just be some serious crashing at the Hackman house..

In the Garden

In my attempt to do 101 things to not get pregnant, I am shifting focus from obsessing over my body, cycles and possible options to get in working order. So, one of these things that I have stumbled upon is gardening. Dorky, maybe - but relaxing, yes. I think about it during the day and can't wait to get home and work on these flowers that I get to love, water and nurse back to health if they start to get a little wilted from too much sun. Perhaps this is good practice for me - if I can keep these alive, I can do anything. 

My grip is becoming a little less tight everyday. I trust our RE, and he and his staff are so good at delivering a clear plan to us, while making sure we understand every little detail. 

So, as it stands, I started my period 5 days after my progesterone shots in my butt (ouch by the way), which came full force like one of my old normal periods...back when I had them. It came on with a little bloating, sensitive teeth, hunger and that stabbing headache that I always used to get the first day of my period. I had cramps all day. I bleed like a paper cut all day, and I loved it. It feels so good to have a full, normal period. I contribute this period to being more of a period to not only the shots, but the acupuncture. I think the combination of the work on my hormones and the switch the natural progesterone versus the very artificial pills of Provera (which is progestin --- NOT to be confused with progesterone which is what our body makes and needs naturally) really worked for me. So, first step in the right direction - something I am responding to! Which is really all this game is about, fitting your puzzle pieces in the right puzzle. 

So, next step - CD 3 blood test to see what my hormones do and then do Femora CD 3-7. I guess Femora works similar to Clomid - but is, of course an off label use. I am going to try it and not over analyze it. I know it's going against my wishes for au natural, but I'm trusting Dr. M and keeping up with the diet efforts, supplements and acupuncture and shutting my eyes and hoping for the best. 

After Femora, time to buy some good ovulation sticks (although my past experiences are not very inviting) and see what the cards hold for us this month. 

Until then...I will be in the garden in my free time.... 

Under Pressure

So, there are studies that show that acupuncture helps everything from headaches to allergies to infertility and smoking cessation. There are also many people, probably some people that have a name followed by a big M.D., that will tell you nonsense, it probably can't truly help. And then there are the grey areas...the people that think, maybe - just maybe, but don't put all your eggs in one basket. (No pun intended)

When it comes to infertility and acupunctures (and I've tried 3 different Traditional Chinese Medicine Doctors, so I know the ins and outs of this stuff) I tend to fall somewhere in the middle, leaning towards a strong, definitive yes..especially on days where I have one of those amazing acupuncture induced naps, which happens to be today! I think about it like my faith and my relationship with God. I believe, and deep down I know it's true...and I choose to believe and grow my faith because I just do. And when you die, if this religion thing ｉｓ　ａｌｌ　ａ　ｌｉｅ（ｗｈｉｃｈ　Ｉknow it's not) , then what did I waste by believing in and worshiping God. Nothing. I absolutely only gained. I gained living a good life, doing good things for others, striving to love like Jesus did and having faith when the going gets rough, tough get praying. So, although much less of a spiritual and moral topic, I believe acupuncture helps. Even if it doesn't, I know it's doing something good. So, as I work to simplify my mind full of decisions, paths to pregnancy and crazy hormone surges - I will make this decision and stick with it. Besides, as Dr. M, my newly appointed reproductive endocrinologist says, "Can't Help, May Hurt." Ok, that's good enough for a pat on the back from him, I'll take it.