This has been a difficult month for me for so many reasons..(hence they are almost 6 months and I have not posted anything on their 4th month!).
It's certainly a challenge to mother three babies ... emotionally, physically and mentally (I mean, I try to throw 20 pounds of Quinn around like he's still 5 pounds - not good). I know I am my biggest critic and sometimes at the end of the day I am so tired from the treadmill of mother brain that never ends - "develop them, make noises that make them want to imitate, be funny, feed them, change them, love them, hold them, try to feed yourself, work on that post baby body, remember your husband, stop carrying more than one baby down the stairs at at time, show them you love them, dangle something development-ish in front of them, work on sitting up and on and on..."
So tonight was a much needed great moment of "no thinking" that I want to record and remember.
Instead of trying to be supermom by making Gracie "cry it out" (which we never really did or do anyways) I picked her up and let her just drape on my chest and fall asleep. The other two were so peaceful.. I watched Harp's heavy eyes drift off and Quinn dig his face into the mattress with his butt up in the air like all is right in dreamland tonight.
And I let Gracie need me to fall asleep. But I probably needed her more than she needed me. I let us both "just be" for the moment.
I didn't care if she rolled over enough, babbled enough or tried to sit up on her own. And I didn't judge my mothering ability. Instead of thinking, I soaked up her.. her rolls in her neck, her soft snore, her perfect chubby and rosy cheeks, her breath and her cuddly body that I miss in my belly sometimes! No judging or pushing - just mama and baby.
When the babies are 17 and think they know more than stupid old mom - I hope I can come back and read this and remember sometimes as a mom you have to just stop...
And be. Soak up the present, whatever the present brings. The other stuff will work out.
Thank you Gracie, for truly knowing more than your mom tonight...