To be fair, I don’t always feel like a recluse and bitter angry barren woman. In fact, I have felt pretty good lately. Possibly this idea of “happening for a reason” isn’t the same sort of urban legend like the one where you tell a bride it’s good luck if it rains on her wedding day. What in the world? Luck or not, no bride wants flat hair, puddles and mud on their dress. However, I’m starting to learn that this baby obstacle course is really working in my favor. I’m really excited that it has made me stop to not only smell the roses, but to learn a little bit about my body, my mind, my spirit, my strength and of course, my weaknesses. Nobody wants to feel out of control, but for a control freak on steroids, this little detour to get to motherhood may be just what I need.
Take for example the 13.1 miles I ran with ease last week. I finished with a smile on my face thinking, bring on more, I could sprint 5 more miles if I wanted to. What felt so good about that race was that I didn’t train for 4 months, or even 1 month. I got out and ran two weeks prior and then got my butt to the start line at 7:30 am on an overcast spring day in Indiana and ran my bones around the Geist Reservoir in 2 hours and 20 minutes. Ok, so not a record time, but for me, it was a hell of a victory. It proved to me and reminded me that I am not such a victim of my body’s ill fate. I have a heart that beats strong, legs that carry me, a mind that got my through the race laced with a faith that I now know can’t be broken.
So, maybe I’m not so broken. Maybe I’m just a little off…but here is where I am…for now. And for now doesn’t ALWAYS feel so bad. (Talk to me in 5 days, the weather may change)