So, what did our ancestors do without the internet, tv or blackberry? Not to sound like I am so dependent on these wireless devices and in home online shopping…but I sort of am. My laptop has crashed and all I have is my work computer I lugged home only to remember we don’t know how to get into our very secure wireless network from any other computer than…the computer that will never boot up again. Oh my….a lesson in depending on technology.
So, here I sit in our loft upstairs that I think I have only really “used” 3 or 4 times typing on this Think Pad. What is on my mind today? Well, on my mind today is to try to stick to my plan of a CLEAR head. It is so easy to get distracted from that simple goal! The second I think I am simplifying I turn around to see that Dr. Yang, my acupuncturist now wants me to take 2 different herbs – 3 pills, 3 times a day – mind you, out of a bottle in mandarin Chinese, so it could be cow manure for all I know … accompanied by avoiding anything and everything cold , even leaving my hair wet after a shower(bad for the female system as she puts it so eloquently – I’m not sure if she means my vagina or my fallopian tubes ) followed up by herbal patches that are cut into little squares scattered over different pressure points on the body. Oh yeah, temperature! Must take every morning – hard to do when peeing, shower and a bowl of oats always hits my temple first. OK – I think when I leave my appointments. Ok, I can do this. Simple enough…by the way, what a great nap I get on that massage type of table while long skinny needles protrude into my “points” as I listen to relaxing music with rain and birds like you would hear in a cheap Chinese restaurant that is trying to be a 5 star swanky joint.
I could do Dr. Yang’s directions. But can I do them AND do Dr. Rossetti’s…and be excited to see a fertility specialist this week? How do I get myself back here? Ah! I can say…I have come a LONG way since day the walls closed in, but this surely isn’t making life simple when Dr. Rossetti (my naturopathic doctor) tells me to do a Candida cleanse and to give up animal protein since my blood is A positive. Ok..so what is a Candida cleanse. It’s a $70 box of pills and enzymes that I take for 2 weeks followed by 8 pills of some sort of yeast, healthy bacteria-ish thing (sounds like spinal bifida when pronounced in my memory) alongside a VERY strict and VERY limiting diet. NO fruit, NO yeast or wheat, NO fungi (I love mushrooms, ah!) and basically anything and everything else. Of course now that I know my blood runs like a river of A positive vegetarian loving blood, that eliminates meat. Red wine and the new big cold bottles of Fat Tire would be laughed at by the Candida Cleanse police. Dr. Rossetti says the yeast problem I have really should be a shared cleanse with hubby – which is another funny joke in the Hackman house. I simply can’t make the hubs do one more fang dangled diet or pill party – nop, he will laugh and tell me get real. (Which I understand, I am thinking to myself about right now, “Self, You are Crazy.”) So apparently this yeasty configuration in my body (and supposedly my husband’s) lives in and around the warm, soft likes of the penis shaft. So, yes, indeed, if I cleanse myself and he doesn’t, we will simply pass yeast. Hmm…how attractive.
So, I have some decisions to make. Will I forge on fixing PCOS with Dr. Rossetti, the supernatural Naturopathic Dr. with a cape to come and save me from the villains of yeast in my body?! Or will I lay my body down to be manipulated and brought back to my healthy state of Qi (pronounced chi) by Dr. Yang and her ancient Chinese ways? Or, will this fertility specialist dude that doesn’t even know what has hit him yet help me find my way back to the path of being a normal girl just trying to have a baby.
Well, I guess another day has gone by that I didn’t solve world hunger, nor did I solve the much lighter issue of my body and its plumbing. On the bright side, I get to go downstairs and lay next to my loving and sweet husband that just got out of the shower and smells like green apples from his shampoo … and work on that baby making thing…