This Tuesday was an exceptionally good day to start my path to simplicity and health. It’s sunny and blue and feels like a spring day that makes you want to just sit on a park bench.
I met with a naturopathic doctor ( I know, add it to my list of doctors…), but this visit was good. It was just my style – she didn’t rush me, had a flat fee for the hour so I wasn’t worried about the $2000 tab I was running up while asking about what ir-reversable damage has been done to my body with all of the stress and ovulation inducing drugs I’ve pumped in my body and she listened. But most importantly, she looked at me after reviewing 3 pages of information about my diet, exercise schedule, irregular periods, attempts to get pregnant, messed up hormones and issues with anxiety that I will never be normal again, and said, “What do you want to do?” (Should I mention she touched on the subject of ADHD…whatever could she mean?)
Well, simply put, I thought to myself, I want to be healthy. I want to be a mommy. I want to feel like myself. So, with that, the decision was made, I’m fixing me first. Baby steps to get a baby.
What did I find out? I found out that everyone around me, including myself, sees a healthy woman that does just about everything right. Ok, so I just gave up caffeine and I love my red wine on occasion still, but really, I am pretty healthy compared to the Jerry Springer bleach blonde bimbos getting pregnant everyday by just looking at their boyfriend. I eat oatmeal every morning. I do pilates or yoga almost everday, sometimes both. I run, lift weights and play in a softball league. I eat salad every day. I take my vitamins every day. I’m not overweight and the stress I do have should be managed by the yoga, right? So..I’m healthy by most standards. But what is shocking to me and so many others, something is really off. And this something is dark and looming and I can feel it in my body like that black substance that floats around the island on Lost episodes. But what is it? How do I get to the bottom.
Here’s how. I will let this naturapatic doctor that talks about not owning a microwave due to it stealing food’s enzymes, guide me on MY OWN natural path to health. Something that will be all mine once I arrive.
First goal - a period. Yes –a period that my own internal clock tips off like a ticking time bomb instead of that fake progestin fooling my ovaries into thinking they even needed to flush out my uterus. I want a bright red, soaks through a tampon onto my panties and into my favorite jeans kind of period. Give me cramps, that is fine too. In fact, I’ll take that awful bloat leading up to the period and will gladly host the headache that creeps over your eyes the first day you bleed. I will cancel all my plans and stay under the sheets and will tell everyone I know, “Sorry, can’t make it…on my period, you know…”
With this goal at first glance to me seems like I am putting baby on hold. If it takes me three months to get a period, what if it takes me three more months to get pregnant? Well, when the rational, scared self talks to the calm and healthy self, I am going to promptly dampen the logical self that wants to get pregnant NOW, NOW NOW and remind him that if mama ain’t healthy, most likely , baby ain’t healthy.
So – I left the office with my instructions and nutritional guides. Off to do what I can do. First stop, protein shakes…