Tuesday, July 27, 2010

14 weeks - the realization of the umbilical cord(S)

I will say that I have noticed a little boost of energy and a little more of an opening for food other than nachos and burgers. In fact, I am excited to say I have moved way on from my french fry addiction and have actually been able to eat salads and pizza again and have been able to have some form of fruits and vegetables every day. The nacho love is still by my side and may be for awhile. I am pretty loyal and don't really ever let a day go by without a dose of salty crunch and creamy sour creaminess. I added mango salsa and felt healthy.

Highlights from the back end of 14 weeks...

I worked the whole weekend open to close everyday we were open and felt like crawling in a hole and was really thankful Dr. Box put me on disability. Paperwork in process -- thank God I'm doing all of this while I have the energy, they don't make disability easy. I slept most of Sunday and Monday.

I did give into buying some solid, real maternity. Totally worth doing - I feel pregnant in clothes designed for pregnancy - not as fat as I do in clothes that are either tight and give you muffin top or baggy clothes that make you feel even worse.

And the other thing that sticks out this week -- the dip of some sort of hormone that opened up the emotions and crying floodgates. The weirdest is when you are crying and all you know is that you are crying and you don't really feel sad or anything, just the emotion of crying. I had 2 pretty significant sessions..the first was driving home from the grocery and missing Magoo. The other -- Scott was reading a book my mom gave to me called "7 Reasons for being grateful to have a Newborn". We were sitting in the sun room and I thought it would be a pretty innocent activity until I completely lost it during the opening page when the author made mention to the feeling right after birth of "what just happened, and who just cut the umbilical cord?"

It hit me. It took me all this time to understand the common phrase of "you need to cut the umbilical cord". I felt sad and weird that my sweet little troop will be out of me and physically no longer dependent in one quick cut of a cord. I had such a reaction that it lasted the whole book - I just couldn't stop thinking about how innocent and sweet they really are, and how much I keep falling in love with them. I can't imagine the feeling when you actually see the miracle outside of you breathing, eating and crying.

They are with me everyday and everywhere - they trusted me enough to let me get them from a little tiny speck of a follicle to a beating heart with a working brain and legs that kick and flex. I just want to protect them! So...as crazy as it sounds, I suddenly wanted pregnancy to slow down. I love literally having them with me everywhere we go. Every day I make decisions for them, and I love it. So -- I guess that's really the time you get -- 9 months (or maybe a little less for me) to have them to yourself -- before that cord is cut and before you share them with the world. I remember Katie saying this, and this book said it too -- kids are like watching your heart walk outside your body. I can only imagine -- but for now, I am really liking those hearts inside close to mine :)

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