"God only knows...God makes his plan. The information's unavailable to the mortal man." - Paul Simon
A year ago I would have cried my eyes out if you told me I would weigh close to 200 lbs and that I would be forced to lay still each and every day as the world continues on. But God knew what he was doing.. and because of this time, I am a better person. And in my alone time with my babies, I've never felt more purpose or joy.
WHAT I HAVE LEARNED (SO FAR) FROM PREGNANCY AND BED REST: (We aren't done yet!!)
- My body is no longer my body. My body is taking time out to grow and help create human life and no job, yoga class or vacation could ever trump that blessing or feeling of pride. As a woman who takes pride in my body, giving permission to this idea is the most beautiful thing.
- The feeling of life inside of me or the "shows" of belly dancing on the outside of my belly NEVER EVER get old or annoying.
- Christmas when I was 5 years old is NOTHING compared to the feeling leading up to meeting our babies. Especially with each passing day. I have butterflies.
- I love when people comment on my belly. No matter how big it is. I am so proud.
- Even in my solitude on bed rest, I have an overwhelming feeling of happiness, peace and joy.
- I already miss the journey of pregnancy as it nears the final weeks. I loved every single thing.. the secret Scott and I kept before we told anyone else, the anticipation of a belly bump, the first "fishy swim" that you weren't sure was movement, the first big kick, the first time someone asked me "When are you due?", the way Scott looked at me like I was beautiful as I grew, and the way it feels to not recognize your body as you let pregnancy just take it's course.
- Being forced to lay every day in a bed can actually make you appreciate so much you never thought of before.. warm sun on your face, wind and fresh air, going to the grocery store and eating the meals you want, driving with your windows down, jogging outside, getting your mail, walking in a CVS and so much more.
- Being alone is not so bad. I've been blessed to have this time to get to know myself and to like myself. I hope I find this time after the babies come...somehow.
- My friends and family really do love us and want to help in their own way when I let them. Especially my parents - I know they must look at me and feel like it was just yesterday I was born. I am sure in 30 years I will understand.
- Scott is the best partner I could have chosen. I don't think I truly knew how GOOD he is deep down until this all happened. He really loves me.. and us. And I (we) really love him. The real kind of love.
Today, as we are in the month of Thanksgiving, I have never been more thankful. I look forward to the next 30 days and pray I get all of those days to grow and anticipate our new family...even if its from bed.